23 Feb Another Mumsy Times Columnist Gets Sanctimonious And Silly About Cannabis

Katie Glass, The Sunday Times

Katie Glass, The Sunday Times

Katie Glass’ column in today’s Sunday Times magazine is reproduced below . If you have any interest in the cannabis issue, whether you use it yourself or not, you’ll probably find it infuriating. I did.

Katie Glass: Legalise cannabis? No thanks — tie-dye and bongos just aren’t a good look

Alcohol gave us Ernest Hemingway, F Scott Fitzgerald and Francis Bacon. What has weed ever given us?

Kicking back with a joint and Bob Marley’s greatest hits is not good enough any more: now everybody wants the right to get stoned legally too.

The tide is turning on cannabis. Even America, once Ground Zero for the war on drugs, is cashing in on the ganja train; following the doobie doctors of California by opening cannabis cafes in Colorado, while Washington discusses decriminalising weed. Meanwhile Uruguay has legalised it and Amsterdam is considering relaxing their rules (apparently they still have some left).

So is it time that we called on Cameron to truly chillax, and let us skin up legally too? No! Please, I beg.Sure, there are claims that legalisation could crush the drug cartels and regulate the quality. But come on, think of the kids! Enough of them are already beardy trustafarians sporting Guatemalan jumpers they bought during their gap years. Do we want them to go the full Woodstock?

I mean, you have met pot smokers, right? You know they gather at places with names like Hempfest reading papers called the High Times, discussing Star Wars conspiracy theories while droning on about that time they tried squidgy black in Goa and really found themselves, man.

At least now they’re confined to full moon parties and Glastonbury. Should they really be unleashed on the mainstream? So on Saturday nights kids won’t be clubbing to Miley, they’ll be lurching down the high street, eyes glazed like Dunkin’ Donuts, emulating a zombie apocalypse as they search for the nearest Domino’s pizza. Isn’t the obesity crisis bad enough without the munchies adding to it?

Call me paranoid, but I think the attempts to legalise weed are a conspiracy by governments to bore us to death. Thanks, but my generation’s apathetic enough. We don’t need another excuse.

Never mind the kids, think of the art! Alcohol gave us Ernest Hemingway, F Scott Fitzgerald and Francis Bacon. What has weed ever given us? Except Take Me to Your Leader T-shirts, magic-eye pictures and those posters of cannabis leaves on the Jamaican flag.

And what about the thrill? Once we’re queueing up in Boots for a legal high, think how you’ll miss that sacred ritual of schlepping across town for a midnight rendezvous with a wide boy on a street corner, while listening to Lou Reed’s I’m Waiting for the Man.

Don’t legalise wacky backy. Please! The truth is the criminal element is the only dubious kudos marijuana has left. No one trendy gets baked anymore. Weed hasn’t been cool since tie-dye was in. Forbes reports that baby boomers are doing mind-blistering bud; Marie Claire has coined “stiletto stoners” for young, professional women who skin up. We know Bieber does it (case closed?). Nigella’s been mashed, Obama’s inhaled. Boris Johnson was a teenage stoner. Even Sir Stuart Rose has toked (and if anything is a sign of something being passé, it’s that the former head of M&S has done it).

Once it’s socially acceptable where will it all end? Will I be expected to share a blunt with the boss after work? Will Waitrose start selling organic Camberwell carrots? (And in which aisle?) Once we accept a PM who is inhaling, what then? Cameron doing PMQs in a hemp suit, playing bongos, talking about how we should reach higher states of consciousness?

If Grange Hill’s foray into pop taught me anything, it was “Just Say No” to drugs.

What is it with middle-aged women columnists and weed? Didn’t they inhale? Maybe they just wish they still did?

There is definitely a gender divide here and The Times seems to have more than its fair share of out of touch, fuddy duddy, mumsy types that display the most appalling and judgmental prejudice. If Katie Glass was stereotyping the Chelsea mums who bake their own spelt flour bread or insist on a Pilates class before every coffee morning, where would she be? Probably cast out into less classy environs with Amanda Platell, Melanie Phillips, Kathy Gyngell and other bigots. No, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone!

With the exception of the dullard John Rentoul, most male columnists in the quality press seem to have a far better grasp of the real issues and rarely descend into this sort of unedifying bitchiness which is based on nothing but name calling.

Katie asks: what has weed ever given us?

A question so revealing of absolute ignorance and short-sighted prejudice from another ‘mumsy’ and sanctimonious Times columnist (Yes I’m thinking of illiberal Libby Purves) that it almost robs me of the will to respond.

Answer: blues, jazz, rock ‘n’roll, the Beatles, the Stones, progressive rock, in fact any rock, any modern music at all.

Is that enough for you, you ignoramus, or have you just got your eyes and ears closed?

Let’s leave the vast quantity of other artistic and spiritual gifts inspired by cannabis for another time shall we? You probably need time to catch up with reality because cannabis is mainstream now.

Britain is bored with you and your sort. Britain is apathetic about the trite, patronising dross written in newspapers controlled by the Fleet Street mafia.

Cannabis already is socially acceptable. Our prime minister did inhale and narrowly escaped explusion from Eton for it.

Katie, you’re out of touch. Spend some of your soft earned dosh on a Colorado cannabis tour. It’ll do you good.